Swallowed Sadness

 

I have swallowed my sadness whole

Pushed my grief so far down

It sits like a stone

In the quiet corners of my spirit

I have learned to hide the ache

The way it pulses

The way it steals breath

Because this world already asks

Too much of me

Just trying to stand upright

In the ruins of the people I have loved

Somedays I laugh too loudly

As if humor could smooth the cracks

In a heart held together

By memory and muscle

I tickle myself with make-believe

Pretending my hurt is not heavy

Pretending my denial is a talent

Instead of a shield

I redirect the sadness

Curve it into a soft smile

Tell myself this is life

Everybody know loss

Everybody has walked this valley

Everybody has felt this emptiness

Press its thumbprint on their ribs

But truth rides with me

Like a shadow I cannot unsee

I'm still learning how to exist

In a world where so many I love

No longer breathe beside me

And the grief

No matter how deep I bury it

Keeps calling my name