Refill

 

Some of my pills get stuck halfway down,

Bitter things I can barely swallow.

But I need them,

To keep my sanity steady.

To hold my self-awareness like a fragile cup,

To calm the storms that live behind my eyes.

My mind, tender as glass,

Cracks at the sound of too much noise.

Some days, I swear the angel of death

Sits in my shadow,

Breathing on my neck as I fold laundry,

As I pray over the sink,

As I whisper, “Not today, Lord.”

Grief never leaves, it just changes rooms.

And life, cold and indifferent, keeps moving.

So I move too,

Trapped in routine,

Hands trembling but faithful.

I wear my blinders,

Because looking around means breaking open again.

Me, just me.

I am the mission now,

To not fall, not fail.

No safety rail, just faith,

And a worn-out heart trying to believe

This refill might bring relief,

Might bring peace,

Might keep me here one more day.