Matching Pajamas, Waiting Joy

 

Last night

I lifted the tree by myself

Arms remembering a weight

They did not carry last year

No little feet racing the music

No crooked ornaments argued into place

No laughter breaking the hush

Between Donny Hathaway and the hum of the heater

Usually

He stands tall in matching pajamas

All elbows and joy

While I sit back and supervise

Auntie wisdom

Letting him lead

Letting the season teach him

How light finds its way home

Last night, he was not here

And I noticed

But I did not let the noticing turn heavy

I let it be a pause

A rest note in the song

I fluffed the branches like prayers

Hung memories beside the glitter and shimmering bulbs

And let the music rock me

The way Black women know how

Soft, steady

With joy braided through endurance

This tree is not lonely

It is waiting

Waiting for his hands

For his laughter to climb the walls

For his cheer to arrive loud and late

Like it always does

I decorated in advance of his glee

Set the stage for his wonder

Because love between an aunt and her nephew

Does not disappear when the room is quiet

It idles

And when he comes

The lights will already know his name